I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
