tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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