I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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