Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
