What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
