At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
