You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
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Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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