I puked a lego.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
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I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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