VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
