They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
