there's paper in my vomit.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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