i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
