Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You ruined the universe
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
