And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
