saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
