does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
