man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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