Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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