She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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