I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Even my vagina gasped.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
