You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
