Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
