I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."