i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
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Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
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After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.