Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything

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  (734): I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything http://tfl.nu/dkqa
  Replies (16) Good night (472) Bad night (3131)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.

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  (412): I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon. http://tfl.nu/2tzw
  Replies (5) Good night (3537) Bad night (645)
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  (212): View more from New York

  I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"

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  (212): I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out" http://tfl.nu/blqb
  Replies (29) Good night (8664) Bad night (908)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons

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  (720): we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons http://tfl.nu/079e
  Replies (4) Good night (4830) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.

  (352): View more from Florida

  I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.

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  (970): The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency. (352): I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial. http://tfl.nu/wg41
  Replies (28) Good night (7341) Bad night (778)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  im bored tell me something entertaining

  (206): View more from Washington

  You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.

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  (425): im bored tell me something entertaining (206): You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam. http://tfl.nu/m0ao
  Replies (48) Good night (1579) Bad night (9745)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky

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  (604): People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky http://tfl.nu/clbn
  Replies (90) Good night (8028) Bad night (1262)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.

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  (973): Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever. http://tfl.nu/k2hn
  Replies (90) Good night (1740) Bad night (24528)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.

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  (603): whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card. http://tfl.nu/d7h9
  Replies (6) Good night (2644) Bad night (462)
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  (626): View more from California

  yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably

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  (626): yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably http://tfl.nu/rjum
  Replies (9) Good night (591) Bad night (2074)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.

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  (952): I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me. http://tfl.nu/5m33
  Replies (1) Good night (1183) Bad night (386)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today

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  (614): Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today http://tfl.nu/chyo
  Replies (5) Good night (978) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase

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  (310): I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase http://tfl.nu/ni6z
  Replies (3) Good night (905) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment

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  (603): We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment http://tfl.nu/662i
  Replies (2) Good night (619) Bad night (211)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs

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  (972): Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs http://tfl.nu/f6lr
  Replies (6) Good night (462) Bad night (260)

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