KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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