Texts From Last Night

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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.

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  (334): Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies. http://tfl.nu/fldh
  Replies (50) Good night (2978) Bad night (1022)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"

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  (780): she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!" http://tfl.nu/mre5
  Replies (13) Good night (4697) Bad night (1139)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone

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  (219): By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone http://tfl.nu/czmq
  Replies (8) Good night (4126) Bad night (947)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.

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  (506): I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision. http://tfl.nu/nkkw
  Replies (28) Good night (4511) Bad night (1401)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?

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  (+44): can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant? http://tfl.nu/3x8e
  Replies (5) Good night (3826) Bad night (1012)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.

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  (978): If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises. http://tfl.nu/xzxa
  Replies (8) Good night (4123) Bad night (1485)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am

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  (774): My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am http://tfl.nu/yrwz
  Replies (8) Good night (1021) Bad night (1689)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement

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  (270): I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement http://tfl.nu/ql20
  Replies (22) Good night (3257) Bad night (801)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.

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  (479): It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule. http://tfl.nu/n9xy
  Replies (5) Good night (530) Bad night (1271)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.

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  (845): I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet. http://tfl.nu/5hoi
  Replies (4) Good night (884) Bad night (800)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!

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  (321): I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis! http://tfl.nu/o0qu
  Replies (4) Good night (662) Bad night (375)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You are both horrible and amazing

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  (602): I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep. (480): You are both horrible and amazing http://tfl.nu/a2mg
  Replies (0) Good night (782) Bad night (330)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.

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  (937): Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off. http://tfl.nu/8gvx
  Replies (1) Good night (1007) Bad night (313)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks

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  (870): she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks http://tfl.nu/glna
  Replies (0) Good night (306) Bad night (962)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.

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  (763): I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland. http://tfl.nu/vdg1
  Replies (1) Good night (620) Bad night (210)

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