Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
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i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.