we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm having to shit out rocks
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