and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
