Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
