I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
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You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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