I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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