Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
