I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i now understand why vodka
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
