awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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