You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
