that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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