i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
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They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
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