All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dicks are not precious.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
