I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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