it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
