I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
