Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
