my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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