do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
