Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
