i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
