she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
