I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
