my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
