By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
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Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
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I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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