well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dignity is for republicans.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
