Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
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