Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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