Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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