my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Who died my cat blue again?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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