So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
