I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
