she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
