I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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