he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
