i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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