I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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