There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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