So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
