He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
