I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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