WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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