she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize